Ms. Shrill And Dr. Kill

Sometimes the jokes just write themselves...

According to various news sources, Ann Coulter has broken her jaw and it has been wired shut. The specific cause of her grievous injury has yet to be reported, and therefore I suspect something sinister is going on... To be honest, I think Satan wants his soul back and this is Annie's way of making sure he can't get to it.

But then again, I have also always suspected that Annie was actually of some reptilian order, perhaps of the Atractaspididae family... perhaps her retractable jaw became unhinged while she was facilitating the manipulation and ingestion of some large rodent.

The mind reels...

Her injury couldn't have come at a better time, unless of course you are her publisher or a loony right-wing zealot... You see, Coulter has a new book coming out, "Guilty: Liberal "Victims" And Their Assault On America." The book will supposedly illuminate us to the "liberal media's" torrid love affair with Obama.

Hmmmm... ok...

Is this the same liberal media that trotted out Reverend Wright ad nauseum, the same liberal media that portrayed Bill Ayers as Obama's secret sibling, the same liberal media that at various times speculated as to whether Barack Obama was a closeted Muslim, a "Manchurian Candidate", or worse, or an actual terrorist?

Is this the same liberal media that essentially gave John McCain a pass on his associations with the Keating Five? Is this the same liberal media that completely ignored McCain's betrayal of POWs still in Vietnam? Is this the same liberal media that found it perfectly OK that Sarah Palin's campaign was blessed by a snake oil priest who claimed the ability to purge witches? Is this the same liberal media who gave Sarah Palin a pass on her brutally obvious shortcomings until it suddenly became fashionable to ridicule her?

Apparently facts have a liberal bias as well.

You wanna know how Annie makes the New York Times bestseller list?

Right wing conservative Christian organizations purchase her books en masse and send them to contributors as "gifts." These organizations purchase her books at a greatly reduced cost, and because so many units are shipped, Annie comes across as a successful pundit and author... which then leads to continuous bookings on Fox News and at Klan rallies... which leads to more books...

It is a brilliant scam... I should look into it...

Now for something completely different... but not really...

Last week, Al-Qaeda's numero dos, Dr. Ayman al-Zawahiri greeted the election of Barack Obama by calling him a "House Negro", among other things...

You see, the fine folks of the Al-Qaeda public relations department can't have the rest of the world enraptured by the "Hope and Change" rhetoric made so undeniably popular by Obama's campaign. If the angry, hopeless, and dispossessed of the Islamic world see a possibility for an end to bloodshed, how will the likes of al-Zawahiri continue to to recruit soldiers for jihad? The last thing Dr. Ayman needs is for there to be any hope OR change... since his entire dogma is about the opposite of that... al-Zawahiri wants to bring the world back to the seventh century... except for the modern conveniences of laptops, cell phones and satellite television of course... which terrorists have great love for...

In his rant against Obama, al-Zawahiri has shown himself to have a dubious knowledge of history. In comparing Obama to Malcolm X, al-Zawahiri stated, "That's why it wasn't strange that Malik al-Shabazz (Malcolm X's Muslim name) was killed, while you have climbed the rungs of the presidency to take over the leadership of the greatest criminal force in the history of mankind and the leadership of the most violent crusade ever against the Muslims."

Apparently al-Zawahiri is painfully unaware that Malcom X was indeed murdered by members of the Nation of Islam...

oops...

Of course, Al-Qaeda supporters are predictably backing their man and are dismissive of any denigration of al-Zawahiri's screeching blather. But it doesn't stop there... in an irony of all ironies, Al-Qaeda supporters are now fiercely criticizing the media for its "unfair" pro-Obama bias and for deliberately "confusing" the meaning of al-Zawahiri's message.

Hold it... Ann Coulter AND Al-Qaeda BOTH think the "liberal media" is in the tank for Barack Obama...?

Bingo... Using the the same "guilt by association" logic Coulter often displays in her highly intellectualized writings, one could accurately assume that Ann Coulter is indeed a member of Al-Qaeda... a jihadi in a little black cocktail dress...

Here's an idea that would benefit us all...

Perhaps we can put Coulter and Al-Zawahiri on some island together, so they can lock themselves into an infinite 69 position and feast on each other's rotting entrails for perpetuity and leave the rest of us in peace...

This idea of mine is not without merit... British documentarian Adam Curtis put together an incredible three hour film called The Power of Nightmares based upon the fact that Christian right wing fundamentalism and Islamic terror are two sides of the very same coin...

And there you have it... Annie has finally met her love match... Dr. Ayman al-Zawahiri...

May their marriage be blissful... I wonder if they've registered anywhere yet?

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