Wednesday, January 7, 2009

You're So Vain, You Probably Think This Blog Is About You...


I am making a vain attempt to rise from the ashes of my annual holiday depression... been quiet lately... perhaps even lazy... but at least this time my wallowing has led to some introspection (oh brother, here he goes again...) as to why I've not fulfilled the promise I made to myself that I'd write at least three times a week... but then again, why write when you've got nothing terribly original or interesting to say?

It's not that I don't have opinions about things... believe me, I have opinions tenfold... (ask anyone unfortunate enough to have to deal with me personally...) but my opinion doesn't move mountains much less ant hills... why should you credit any importance to anything I have to say, and furthermore, why should I continue to write if it doesn't?

Quite often (as is common within the blogosphere) my opinions are nothing more than me parroting something I've read/heard somewhere else... oh sure, I may tart it up a bit, put my spin on it, but let's be honest... why say something when someone else out there has already said it so much better? Someone far more learned, with gravitas and credibility...(Perhaps I should just provide a page linking to better writers...)

The beauty of the web is also its inherent failing... it has lowered great journalism, great writing, great art, and great music to a level where it is considered to be on par with the works of pretending amateurs... hacks... and fools...

"Anyone can do it" is the mantra...

I vehemently disagree... not everyone can be H. L. Mencken, Seymour Hersh or Hunter S. Thompson... they were/are special... extraordinarily talented...

This is a problem with our culture... too often we place the mantle of brilliance upon the shoulders of the merely average...

The average blogger? We're not special... nor is the greatest blogger on earth.

I champion the role of blogging as important journalistic tool... had the mainstream media actually done their job... had they been objective and truthful... had they not become a downsized, irrelevant, corporately controlled whorehouse beholden to shareholders there would be little need or desire for the news blogosphere... (but when was the last time I broke a story? Better yet, when was the last time I wanted to..?) And now, in a last ditch effort at relevance, realizing that they are neck deep in a sinkhole of shit reeking debt, newspapers are "blogging"... so much for that last shred of credibility...

I get the point of the "friends and family" blog as well... here are the baby pictures, we went to the Poconos, we bought a new car... etc... Those are not meant for public consumption... (Besides, I lead a stunningly flaccid life and no one cares about me, so why bother doing one of those..?)

My beef is with the blogger who has nothing particularly interesting to say, but yammers on anyway... and truth be told, I must put myself in this category, hence this screed of self-loathing you are currently no doubt enjoying... (no worries, I loathe you as well...)

I truly fear that I am part of the problem and not part of the solution... And so I ask myself... (and others guilty of verbal vanity...) What on earth makes you think that anyone is interested in anything you have to say? Who are you? What have you ever accomplished? Are you a noted artist? scholar? writer? scientist? Are you at least humorous?

No?

Then perhaps you might want to think about shutting the fuck up.

Some of you will correctly make the point that I can simply choose to not participate... Others will correctly point out that I'm an incredibly negative and grumpy asshole... No doubt you are correct on both counts...

But seriously folks... Do I really need to know who you went out for sushi with..? Or see the new boots you got on sale..? Or learn that you got really drunk and puked at the AC/DC concert..?

Do we really want our lives to be so lacking in mystery? Doesn't anyone value privacy anymore?

Do I really need to see your tits?

Do I really need to see your tits AGAIN!?

Blogging has led to an epidemic of self-absorption previously unseen upon this mortal coil... we have become a culture of whining narcissists who constantly post our every fart onto twitter, myspace, or facebook ad nauseum... just another virtual toilet for our self-obsessed reality TV shithead culture to vomit itself into.

Are we collectively so fucking empty and pointless and lonely that our only pathway towards love, acceptance and relevance is an avenue paved continuously with the shrill screams of "LOOK AT ME!" repeated every 15 minutes?

Apparently the answer to that question is YES.

So I guess I have a decision to make... do I continue flinging poo like a hopped up chimp or do I find something better to do...?

My money is on the chimp...

Send hate mail accordingly.

(The above was written while experiencing a severe migraine, therefore I cannot be held responsible for this rambling mess... and yes, I know... I'm mean...)




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5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wait, is this about my blog?

Actually, I very much agree with and relate to what you're saying here. I haven't written anything for a while, and actually have tried to a couple of times lately, and just thought, "Meh, I have nothing worth saying, why waste my time (which is in short supply anyway) trying to say it?" (For what it's worth, I do the annual holiday depression, too... actually, post-holiday... January-February misery, every single fucking year... but then again I live in Canada where pretty much everyone is suicidal by the time February rolls around.)

Personally, I started blogging because when I get really riled up about something, I feel the pressing need to express it, and then I feel better. Therapy, if you will, but cheaper. I don't really expect anyone else to care or be interested in it, but, I mean, I talk to my animals on a regular basis so clearly I don't have high standards as far as two-way communication goes. (Also, I used to write for a living and design in my spare time, as an outlet. Now I design for a living, soooo....)

But go to the flip side. Why do I read others' blogs? Because I love good and/or interesting and/or humourous writing. I like seeing smart arguments or snarky commentary or things that make me think, "YES, exactly, that's it" (and, rarely, "Hmmm, never thought about it like that before"). There aren't that many out there that fulfill those requirements, but they're there. It's also nice, sometimes, to find personal crap that you can relate to, so you don't feel quite so isolated and freakish in your own craziness.

(I don't really care if someone got new boots or got drunk at the AC/DC concert, either, and don't really get the popularity of diary-type blogs but, meh, who am I to argue with the masses? Large groups of people have always been shown to have good taste, right?)

Anyway, I dig your blog... pick any of the above reasons as to why, I'm not going to stroke your ego THAT much.

(Sympathy on the migraine... been there, many many times.)

(Can I make this response LONGER than the actual entry itself? Jesus, I'm definitely trying. See? This is why I need to write in my own damn blog, so I don't clutter up others'.)

Claire said...

Funnily enough, I've been thinking about you and wondering why we haven't heard from you. But ouch! I fear you may be talking about bloggers like me. I started bogging because I had been advised if people enjoyed my blog they might be inspired to buy my book. I'm not sure that's the case so I too have been wondering why I'm bothering. It is indeed a vanity to think anyone cares what we think or have been up to. What's worse is that I am guilty of judging others' blogs as dull and boring - never yours obv. One friend of mine writes a regular blog that I often find a bit of a yawn but she gets hundreds of hits a day and sometimes 25 comments telling her how much they enjoy her blog and look forward to it. In my defense, your honor, by writing about my experiences on my blog it does help me remember some of the funny things that happen to me that I might otherwise forget so when I write my next book I'll be able to use them for ideas and reference. In fact, a number of bloggers have used their musings as a basis for books that have gone on to be published. Indeed, my lit agent is very excited about my latest book proposal and is shopping it to publishers as I write. So fuck you! Just kidding. Finally, ALL magazines and newspapers are expanding their websites. There is talk of even the New York Times folding and being just available on the web and they'll be needing bloggers like you. People who have something interesting and important to say and say it brilliantly. So get off the pity pot, take and Excedrin and write on!

Harbinger Of Doom said...

Angelboo: good point. Of course I want to see your tits. Please accept my apology.

Kelly: You are purdy and preggers and therefore you can get away with ANYTHING...

Claire: my deary Claire... how do I love thee... anyone who can tell me to get off of my pity pot with a straight face has a permanent home in my heart...

To all: maybe Roy just needs a hug... and referring to himself in the third person won't get him one...

EM said...

i still love you roy and value your opinions (long-winded as they may be)... everyone else be damned... seriously bud, it'll all be OK. just watch that michael mcdonald video again when you're feeling down. thnx for the comment.

let7s_make_lemonade said...

I really love your blog, including the posts where you point out the b.s. that blogging can become--yours is not a part of that crap-hole. That's exactly why I also vote for the poo flinging chimp!