The Ugly American Visits The UN

To be fair, he was just doing his job... just going through a script that was no doubt fully vetted and written for him...

To be unfair, he was perpetuating a myth... a pack of lies... presenting the UN as an unyielding champion of human rights... as this great organization that only exists to do good in the world...

The "he" I am speaking of was the poor Italian chap who had the utter misfortune of being my tour guide around the UN in Vienna this morning... he was handsome, fluent in several languages, and engaging... I looked forward to his presentation...

My assault began quickly... he took us into a large circular room that contained all of the flags of the 192 member states of the UN... he pointed out the various flags of the other members in my group and they smiled and took pictures... I, of course, had to be the sand in the Vaseline... I asked where the Kurdish flag was... and the Palestinian one... and the Tamil one... and the Tibetan one...

I watched as the color left his face (oh no, a troublemaker...) and he correctly informed me that these were not actual "countries" and therefore not represented... So I asked him about the UN charter of human rights, in which the preamble states: "The recognition of the inherent dignity and of the equal and inalienable rights of all members of the human family is the foundation of freedom, justice and peace in the world”

His cheeks were now getting rosy...

I asked, are people not represented by an official country undeserving of basic human rights? Who speaks for them? Do Turkey, Iraq and Iran represent the interests of the Kurds? Do the Israelis look out for the Palestinians? China for Tibet? You see, this is where the UN fails... I explained my fierce opinion that ethnic groups with grievances towards their captors deserve a seat at the table... His response was a weak attempt at placating me with some party line nonsense that I don't even care to remember... Instead of really being interested in the basic human rights of the unrepresented, the UN is about as inclusive as an all-white golf cub in Georgia.

Next we waddled over to the UN peacekeepers display... where we were informed about the great success of their mission... having been a UN peacekeeper, this subject was close to my heart...

I asked him about the Srebrenica massacre, where Dutch UN peacekeepers stood idly by while a bunch of blood thirsty Serbs led by war criminal Ratko Mladić slaughtered 8,300 men and boys... I asked if he had read "Shake Hands with the Devil", in which General Romeo Dallaire recounted how the UN left him (due to pressure from the Clinton White House, who were scared of a repeat of Somalia, and France, who supported the Hutus cause, fearing a loss of French influence in Rwanda) and his peacekeepers swinging in the wind as Hutu militia slaughtered nearly 800,000 Tutsis... and what of the continuing failure to prevent genocide or provide assistance in Darfur? And what of the situation in Gaza?

At this point the others in my group were getting a little scared as I may have been foaming at the mouth... but I felt a point had to made... you can't just run around and say the UN is a powerful force for good when it fails miserably at the ONE THING its supposed to do more than anything else... which is protect the lives of the innocent... not to say there haven't been successes... at least they aren't butchering each other in the Balkans... for now...

We took a jaunt over to the IAEA (International Atomic Energy Agency) where he told of the UN's aims to stop the spread of nuclear weapons via the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty. There are currently 189 countries party to the treaty, five of which have nuclear weapons: United States, United Kingdom, France, Russia, and China (the permanent members of the UN Security Council)... all well and good... but when four major nuclear powers, India, Israel, Pakistan and North Korea refuse to sign the treaty then what good is it?

Four out of nine give the UN the finger? Those aren't real good odds when you are talking about the atomic bomb.

On a side note, at least India, Pakistan and North Korea openly admit to having the bomb... while Israel chooses the time honored strategy of "don't ask, don't tell". Even Iran played along and signed the damn thing, not that they'll actually have to abide by it... because the UN is all smoke and no fire...

We took a look at Dr. Mohamed ElBaradei's Nobel Peace medal... you know... the one he was awarded for stopping the US from pre-emptively invading Iraq because they had "nucular" weapons... oops... wrong again...

It went on and on... over to the IMF (International Monetary Fund) where we were told how they manage the global economy and lend money to the poor... at this point my ears were bleeding profusely...

Really? Manage the global economy? Ask Argentina how that worked out in 2001... Or ask the Icelanders how that is working out for them right about now... Ask the rest of us the same question a year from now... If by "managing" you mean "stealing, grifting and manipulating" well then, you are correct sir...

And the lending of money to poorer countries? Fucking hilarious... if by "lending" you mean "forcing" third world governments to take on loans they can never repay so that richer nations may rape their natural resources for pennies on the dollar... Its all in how you define things I guess...

As far as I am concerned the IMF is nothing more than the mafia in a bunny suit...

On to the outer-space display... making it safe for banking and marketing interests to follow our every move and buying habits via satellite... due to the RFID chips implanted in our passports, credit cards and driver's licenses... Gee... I loved being tracked like inventory... or livestock...

Over to the "War on Drugs" display... where he proudly told us of the UN's effort to rid Afghanistan of heroin production... I then proudly told him that the US Army made devil deals with poppy growing Afghan warlords... "You make nice, we leave you alone... see no, hear no..."

At this point I was seething... The poor Italian kid was rather flummoxed and worse yet, didn't seem to know what the hell I was roaring about... Surely this couldn't be true... he worked for the UN after all... he had the proper ID, the nice black suit; he was educated and spoke several languages...

And then it occurred to me... he was just another wheel in the machine... much in the same way I was when I was in the military... before I became an annoying, enlightened, wannabe "illuminati"... I shook his hand and gave him a tip... he was a good kid and did his best...

Let me finish by saying that I actually do believe the UN could be a force for good if it actually followed its charter and behaved in a ethical and moral fashion... I'd be in favor of a much stronger and more inclusive UN, not rigged towards Western banking interests... but then again, I'm naive...

Maybe I'll tour OPEC tomorrow... kick over a shithouse or two over there...

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